two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
