i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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