I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
