I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
