Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize