Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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