Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
