Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the condom got lost in my hair
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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