Your tits are I can't wait for
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
