There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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