Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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