I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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