dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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