I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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