Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
