Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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