I think my fart just growled at me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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