Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
