I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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