i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
