she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
