Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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