the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize