your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
