reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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