We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
