A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
