I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So many bounce houses so little time
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
