Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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