It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
