they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
