umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
