dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
