u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
