I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
