I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My balls are so social today.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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