I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize