one two three fourrrrnication!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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