I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
