oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize