My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
