She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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