I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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