and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
