as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize