I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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