I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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