did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize