who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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