I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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