I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
