Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
