Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
