This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
