I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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