there was a trapeze. enough said
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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