So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
