"it" just moved
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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