This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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