The maid of honor just puked.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
