Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You took a bar mat shot.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I would ride that face into the sunset
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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