You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
