I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
