Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
