in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
